Dear Abigail

Abigail,

Yesterday your daddy started a new semester of school. He works extremely hard for us; not only is he going to school full time, but he is also working a full time job. I know you're as proud of him as I am, and you and I will always make sure we tell him how much we appreciate all the work he does. He's busy applying for a couple of different doctoral programs and he hasn't slept in days because he's been so busy. Your daddy is so smart and you should be proud of that. Your dad and I both think school is very very important and we hope we can teach you to value your education - but, for your sake, I hope you inherit his math skills and my sleep habits.

Oddly enough, this isn't what I sat down to write about. So let me find my original thought again. Oh yes - your dad started classes again yesterday.

This meant that you and I were going to be on our own in the evening. We've been quite spoiled having dinner together every night and playing together after dinner and we even both sit with you while we read and put you to bed at night. It's been really really great having him home in the evenings these last few weeks. So I was a little sad about him being gone - even though it's a very good thing that he was starting classes.

But then I realized that it was also going to be kind of fun just having some girl time together. You're still so young - but you're old enough now that we can just spend time together and play and laugh and have a good time. So after we dropped dad off at class, we went to the grocery store and we picked out some dinner for just us (turns out you don't like dinosaur shaped chicken nuggets yet). We ended up eating beans and rice together - we just shared a bowl and then we played.

I love playing with you. I chased you around and you crawled through the little house/tunnel I made for you out of that big box. You like to sit in it because you think I can't reach you in there - but when I lunge for you anyway - you squeal and laugh. We worked on your puzzle together - and you're getting pretty good at it. You definitely understand that the pieces go on the empty spots, and you can get about 3 of the pieces in pretty regularly. We read some books and we danced to the silly songs on the Toddler Tunes station. You like that station because they rotate an image of a rubber duck on the screen. Every time the duck shows up - you get really excited and point at it saying "dud!, dud! Dedow dud!" ....that's how you say Yellow Duck.

While you were reading by yourself, I decided to try out some new curtains - so I got out the drill and ladder and started getting ready to put the brackets up. You do not like the drill. It's not very loud, but it scares you. And this is why I started writing all this in the first place.

While I would try to drill, you would sit by the ladder with your arms held up crying. So, I would come down and put the drill away and pick you up. You would put your head on my shoulder and just be very still while I rubbed your back and told you it was ok. After about 5 minutes, you were fine and I would try to go drill a little more - but the same thing happened. we repeated this process about 5 times before I gave up on the drilling and just held you.

When it was time to bed, you leaned on me while we read goodnight moon. You always always point out the mouse on the page that says "goodnight mouse" You were so relaxed though - and so comfortable. It made me happy to be there with you. When I put you in your crib, you were perfectly still while I covered you with your blankets, and then you rolled over to snuggle with your gloworm and went right to sleep. You were so very sweet.

There will be a day, all too soon I'm afraid, where you won't want me to hold you anymore, but there's just nothing better than having you lay your head on my shoulder and rest. I guess what I'm trying to get at is that I found myself feeling thankful that I can comfort you...and you felt comforted by me. I can still be there hero that saves the day - and makes the evil drill, or vacuum, or other loud noise go away and the mom that gives you a thousand kisses before bed.

This parenting gig is still pretty new to me, and I'm learning the rules as I go. And just as you've grown and changed these last 13 months, so have I. I'm at the point where I feel not only confident being your mom - but comfortable. I don't even bring your diaper bag into most places we go now - that should say something. I really feel like a mom now. The mom with yogurt on her shirt, a rubber ducky in her work bag, and a heart that swells whenever I hold you.

Oh Abby. One thing you'll learn about me as you get older is that I sometimes have a hard time organizing my thoughts. This has all been very random and disjointed, I know. Sorry about that. I just had all these little snapshots in my head from our evening together last night and I wanted to keep them forever. Which is why I write. So I, and you, can remember.