thinking about home.

I should probably preface this post by saying that all of these musings are purely speculative and that neither Kyle or I are planning any big long term location-decisions any time soon.

having said that.

I've been thinking a lot lately about home. And about the future. And Boston and Arkansas. And of course, nobody knows what life will look like in a year, let alone 5 or 10. But, it doesn't keep me from thinking about it.

On one hand, Arkansas still feels like "home" to me. My families are there, my friends are there and all the places that have grown to be so familiar and all the memories for the first 24 years of my life are there. The southern charm, the food, the weather (even the humidity) are things I miss. And when I think about my future, it is so very easy to imagine myself there with my own family - sitting on my front porch sipping my sweet tea while the kids catch fireflies at dusk. ....Yes, that's what I imagine.

On the other hand, Boston is a great city. It didn't take us long to feel like it was our city either. When I walk through the Boston Commons - it feels as if I'm in my own back yard, very comfortable and familiar. I love looking at the skyline as I drive to work in the mornings, I love walking by the river in the summer, I love the diversity and the opportunities that this city provides. And when I try to imagine myself here in the future - it's hard. It's hard because, in my mind, we are still here on a temporary basis. Even entertaining the idea of being here forever is difficult for me. And not because I don't love it here - but because my family isn't here. ...that and the snow. ;-)

However, if I try to imagine leaving Boston to move back to Arkansas - that is equally as difficult. As much as I love the south, there are many many things I would miss about living here. I would miss the art and culture, the many museums and concerts. I would miss the trains and taxis and the pedestrian lifestyle that comes with living in a city. Boston has some amazing schools, and while I believe Arkansas does as well, it would be a factor in leaving. I would miss the history and the diversity in food. And, eventually, I would even miss the snow.

And then there's the whole issue of kids. Raising kids in Arkansas is familiar - I know what to do. I know when Toad Suck Days are and the State fair and Riverfest. I know where Pinnacle is and what to do in Hot Springs. I know the regions and the towns fairly well, and I know people. All of that would be new in Boston. Abby and I would have to learn about what things there are to do. And I often wonder - if Abby is raised in Boston, how will that affect her personality? If I stay here or if we move - am I making a decision that will impact who she grows up to be - for the better or for the worse?

And it's about at this point in my musings that I snap back to reality and realize three main things. One, nobody is moving back south without a job. Two, Kyle has some school left to finish before we even have to think about these kinds of things and Three, Kyle's independence.

Boston allows Kyle to go where he wants when he wants without having to worry about anybody else. And part of me can't imagine taking that away from him. Just as much of me can't imagine living so far from family forever. Hard decisions - and decisions with no answer - nor do they need answering right now. Right now, the only thing I have to decide is whether to go to Target or Best Buy after work to pick up paper. That's it.

And I do believe, that no matter where we live or for how long, we will make the best of our days together. And I guess that's the most important part.