Dear Abigail

Abigail,

Being your mom has changed my life. That goes without saying. And I'm constantly learning things about the new me - the new mom-me. I have changed in a lot of ways since you were born - and I think most of them are for the better.

I'm far more aware of what we eat and watch. I've become much healthier because I want to set a good example for you. I'm more aware of how people treat each other because I want to make sure you have good role models for good behavior, manners, and kindness. There are a million ways like that in which I've changed since you joined our family.

There's a quote, though, that I really like that pretty much sums up the biggest change.

“Making the decision to have a child is momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body.” - Elizabeth Stone

This is exactly how I feel about you. Like you are a direct extension of my heart. When I watch you succeed at something and see how proud you are of yourself - my heart swells. When I get a hug from you and you pat my back and kiss my cheek - my heart melts. And when I see that you are hurt or upset - my heart aches.

And it is the last example that makes us moms act the way we do. My purpose now is to protect you. It's a silly goal in some ways - there is no way I can protect you from everything. You will experience skinned knees and heart ache alike that I am unable to stop...but when you do, I hurt with you. And, generally speaking, it's the hurts in life that sometimes help us discover who we are and so there's a necessity for a certain amount of scrapes and bruises along the way...much to my heart's dismay.

All of this is to say that I'm leaving you for a week to spend time with my best friend, your godmother. I am very excited about the trip and I know she and I will have a lot of fun together. But it's also a big step for me because I've never left you for more than a few hours. And, to be honest, it's a little scary. Why? Because you are my heart, and I'm going to be on the other side of the country - unable to protect it. I'm leaving you in very capable hands of course - but, well, sometimes emotion wins over logic.

I told your daddy last night that I was a little nervous because all of the what-ifs keep running through my head. What if you get hurt? What if you get sick? What if you fall down and cry "mama!" and I'm not there? What if you want me to hold you? What if you miss me? I'm telling you kid, being a mom is kinda hard sometimes.

So, here's the deal. I need you to be very careful this week. Be very good to daddy and Karen.

And most of all, I need you to know that I love you more than anything - even from the other side of the country. I'll see you in a week.

I love you a million trillion times over,

mommy