scaries

I don't even know where to start.  I think I'll start with two nights ago.

Abby woke up screaming.  This has happened before, and usually she's having a bad dream and doesn't even wake up all the way while we tuck her back into bed.  Kyle intercepted her in the hallway and tucked her back into bed.  As usual, she wouldn't say what was wrong.

The screaming woke up E, so I got her calmed down and went bed.

At 3am, E started stirring again so I went in.  As I was putting her back in her crib, I hear Abby screaming again.  Really screaming.  The kind of screaming that makes all your mommy sensors stand on end.  I put E down and ran into her room.  I crashed into Kyle in the hallway.  Abby ran into my arms as soon as I opened the door and sobbed into my neck.  I sat in her chair and calmed her down.  When she could breathe again, I asked her what was wrong.

"there's a mouse in my bed"

Well, so here's the thing.  I was 90% sure she was dreaming.  But, we have had mice before.  Never upstairs, never in a bedroom, but...I couldn't 100% rule out the possibility that she really did see one.  Besides, she was SO freaked out.  It wasn't normal.  So.  I took her to our bed.  First time, ever?  And that's where things really disintegrated.

She was calm for about 3 seconds.  Then she screamed "ow!" and jumped as if something had bitten her.  She kept saying there was a mouse under the covers.  There was not.  She clung to me like a white-knuckled monkey.  I could barely even lie down.  Every time she'd calm down, she's think something was on her foot or under the covers and scream and cry and yell "ow ow ow ow owie ow ow!"  in a really high pitched, terrified voice.

I tried everything.  Holding her, not holding her, talking to her, reasoning with her, everything I could think of.  At one point, I took all the covers off the bed - stripped it down to the fitted sheet, turned on the lights and said "See?  There's NO mouse here"  Abby pointed right to the middle of the bed and screamed "It's there!  There's the mouse!"  She was screaming - I was already holding her, but it wasn't enough - she was trying to climb and sit on top of my head.

It was probably then that I knew something was really off.  This wasn't just a nightmare.  This continued with her telling me she was afraid of the mouse, and the buzzes, and at one point, the bunnies.  I eventually got her settled watching youtube videos.  That gave us about 45 mins of relative down time.  Then she freaked again.  At that point, it was 5 or 6 am and I told Kyle to take her downstairs and let her watch cartoons.  E woke up shortly after.

OK.  So, I take Abby to run errands while E is napping later that morning so that Kyle can get some rest.   She fell asleep in the car pretty quick... I mean, she'd been up all night.  About 15 mins later, she woke up crying.  She threw off her rain boots and kept crying and screaming that there were "somethings" in her boots.  She was freaked.  I was driving.  I told her that we would go to Target and buy magic spray.  Spray to make all the scaries go away.  She liked that idea.  *whew*

passed out in the car.

after she woke up screaming, took off her coat and boots because she was scared of them.

she was trying to climb out of her seat :((

When we got home, she sprayed the whole house with febreeze magic-no-more-scaries-spray.  I also bought her a flashlight.  We braced for naptime.  Much to my relief, naptime went well.  I started in the bed with her, then moved to the chair when she was asleep.  I stayed the whole 2.5 hours.  I wanted to be there when she woke up.  And when she did - she was so happy.  On the way downstairs, she said "I just love you so much mom"  No mention of anything scary.  On occasion, through the evening, she'd say "Hey, there's no mouse!" or she'd comment on the magic spray.

spraying her magic-spray

We got ready for bed - Kyle and I were bracing ourselves.  He got her ready and I put E down.  Kyle asked as he was brushing Abs' teeth if I thought the Benadryl was causing her to be weird.  I didn't know she was still getting any - we bought her some in FL when she got a cold to help her sleep and dry up.  Kyle had been continuing to give her a little bit before bed for her runny nose.  As he usually gets her ready, I thought she'd stopped taking it a week ago.  But, I didn't think it would mess with her.  I said "well, maybe it'll help her sleep"

I started the night in Abby's bed again and as I waited for her to fall asleep, I googled Benadryl side effects.

*faceplant*

Anxiety.  Paranoia.  Hallucinations.   ...bingo.

Then it all started making sense.  About the time she started taking it in FL, she developed all these fears.  Fears of "buzzes" (a generic term for any bug that flies), she was afraid of the ocean of course, but also floor fans.  We chalked it up to changing locations to a new condo and being overtirred and over stimulated, and being two, etc etc.  But - it totally coincides with the medicine.  Since we've been home, she's been skiddish around noises. Especially "buzzes"  Sometimes, her sippy cup will make a squeaky sound when it traps air and she'll scream that there are "buzzes in my ear!"

It is so sad to see her so scared.  Anyway - last night.  She did fine.  She woke up once and wanted to know where I was.  Kyle told her I went downstairs (where I was) and she went back to sleep.  She woke up this morning fine.  We didn't have nap time today because we were out and about.  She freaked out again this evening, but wouldn't say what was wrong.  She kept her hands covering her ears and screamed/cried any time she took them off.  I think she was afraid of buzzes getting in her ear.  :(

Bedtime was a battle.  We sprayed magic spray - twice (maybe thrice?), she had her flashlight, I put on a CD of music, I plugged in a night light, I got in bed with her (she will NOT get under the covers)  I waited until she was asleep and crept out.  I feel bad about leaving, but I cannot have her depending on me sleeping with her all night.

pre-bed time spraying

We're hoping that the Benadryl will be completely out of her system by tomorrow.  Then, we'll just have to deal with the residual fears caused by drug-induced ones.  This ain't easy.

There's a fine line between comforting and enabling.  I don't want her sleeping in our bed, I don't want her afraid to sleep in her bed.  We're taking it one day at a time.  I really do think most of this was  caused by the medicine.  But, also, some of it is her being 2.

Wish us luck.  It breaks my heart to hear her so scared.  Truly terrified.  I told her tonight that I wanted her to be a big girl.  She hung her head and whispered "I don't want to be a big girl right now, I just want mommy"  She also told me, despite spray and lights and my reassurances that "there is a mouse.  there is a mouse on abby's floor and in her bed.  there is"  She was barely audible, but it just shows that she really does believe it.

advice appreciated.