lessons for the girls

Abigail & Elizabeth,

I often think of things I want to tell you while I'm driving around town or washing my hair or other mundane activities.  I'll probably never actually get them all out, but in an effort to do so, I'm going to try writing an occasional post on these very important topics.

These are things I think you should know, that I want you to think about and remember.  Sometimes they are things that people told me, and sometimes they are things I figured out for myself.  In either case, they are things that will serve you well to know.

So, without further ado.

1) Develop a good handshake.  When you shake somebody's hand, you should always shake firmly.  Don't hurt them, but it's good to give a little squeeze to your handshake and to make sure it's strong - not loose and wimpy.  There are few things that ruin a first impression for me faster than a limp handshake.  Especially when people (usually girls) try to shake with just their fingertips.  I don't know, maybe somebody taught them that was the proper way to shake, but I'm telling you - don't do that.  When you shake hands with somebody - give a firm shake and look them in the eye while you greet them.  I'm sure this sounds silly - but trust me - it's a good skill to have, and it really does leave a good impression with people.  It doesn't really matter if you're meeting a future boss or a potential new friend.  Be genuine and strong in your handshakes.

2) Don't sweat the small stuff.  And, yes, most of it *is* small stuff.  You're not going to fully understand this one right now - or anytime in your teen years probably - and I'm still working on it, too.  But, here's a good way to think about things that upset you: is it going to matter in a year? If it's not - then, don't worry about it.  I like to extend that rule to 10 or 20 or 50 years years.  When you try to keep things in perspective - within the bigger, grander scheme of life - the little day to day dramas that you find upsetting lose a lot of their power to upset you.  I know, I know...When little Suzie Popular steals your one true, 6th grade, love away - you're going to think that your world has ended.  But, trust me...it won't matter 10 years from then.  Another way to put it is - worrying doesn't do a lot of good.  And that leads me to number three.

3) There is a musical out there called Rent.  It's one of the best, and I recommend you learn it and listen to all the messages it has to offer.  There is one line in one song that says "The opposite of war isn't peace - it's Creation!"  And this, my dears, is important.  Despite my best efforts, I imagine there will be times in your life when you feel sad, down, depressed even.  I want you to realize that the cure to sadness isn't necessarily instant happiness - you can't just turn on a switch and be happy sometimes - but the key is in the Creation - the Action.  If you find yourself feeling down - create.  I do it through writing, and always have.  When my emotions were more than I could sort through in my head - I wrote them out.  It's why I blog now - because it helps me process things.  If you're sad or depressed - consider action.  I think this is best done through helping others.  Few things will make you feel better than helping others.  There's a quote by somebody famous that says "you have not truly lived until you have done something for somebody who can never repay you"  So.  In sum, my advice for you girls would be to go and do for others when you're sad.  Gone through a bad break up?  Go volunteer to feed homeless people.  It will help keep your life in perspective, it will keep your mind busy, and it will fill your hearts with good.

4) Having said all of that.  Never underestimate the power of a good cry.  If you need to cry, and you don't even need a reason, I recommend that you do it right.  I would recommend finding somewhere private where you can be alone.  Play some music that speaks to you - sad music is perfect.  Read sad poetry and boo-hoo into your pillow, or mirror, or stuffed animal.  When you find some composure, go get some ice cream and eat it straight out of the tub with a spoon.  And wearing PJ's or sweatpants helps.  I, of course, intend to keep you from all harm and heartbreak forever....but, should I fail, just know that it's ok to let that cathartic process happen.  It is good for you in it's own ways.  But, if you can't break out of it - refer to #3.

5) I referenced this earlier.  Read poetry.  I hope you can learn to read and appreciate poetry. Because, if you can, you will find so much worth in it.  You will find wisdom and familiarity and insight in it.  You don't have to like all poetry of course - there are many kinds - but you will find your niche if you look for it and learn it.  Take a poetry class in college - and when you study it in high school - take the time to study it and don't just blow it off as "that easy rhyming section"  As a bonus, knowing poetry will also give you an edge at cocktail parties and playing jeopardy.

Ok.  I think 5 life lessons are probably enough for one post.  My sweet, beautiful, wonderful little girls. I pray that you know how much I love you your whole life.  You mean the world to me, and always will.