halfway

We are, officially, halfway through this pregnancy.  That seems strange on several levels.  Mostly because I know the second half is when you look and feel pregnant - everyone knows your pregnant and all the baby naming and planning and dreaming start to take a stronger place.  So, in some ways, the 20 week mark feels like the start of a pregnancy.  In other ways, of course, it feels like I've been pregnant forever.  September was a long time ago.

At 20 weeks, I'm feeling good.  Our last ultrasound showed that baby looked happy and healthy and so while we will continue to get growth checkups due to the 2-vessel cord - there's nothing much to worry about now.  Baby kicks are only getting stronger.  I started feeling them around 15 weeks this time.  By 16 weeks I was sure of it.  But this baby never really gave me "flutters" that typically come before kicks - the very first time I felt him/her -it was a kick.  S/he's a strong one.  At this point - they are regular, strong, but not yet bothersome happy little reminders that there is something growing in there.

I've managed to avoid maternity clothes so far.  Oh how things change from baby #1 to baby #3.  I remember being 16 weeks pregnant with Abby and being SO excited that I was finally big enough to wear maternity jeans.  For real.  16 weeks.  I learned from that experience, and didn't put on the additional elastic until 20 weeks with E.  So, I'm happy that I'm still wearing my regular clothes with this one.  Admittedly, they're modified now.  My favorite jeans still fit - but they no longer button.  So, I'm using hair-ties to band things together for a little while longer.  And I'm wearing more and more dresses. I started this pregnancy 10lbs lighter than I did with either of the girls - so I'm hoping that will help me avoid pulling out my maternity wardrobe for another week or two.

Most of the cravings (salty and briny things) that I had to some degree early on are all evened out now. I had previously lost my appetite for sweets, but I think I'm back to normal now.  I don't crave anything in particular most days, I don't hate anything either.  But, I will say - when I need something - I need it Urgently.  If I'm dehydrated - I need water NOW.  If I suddenly decide that chips and salsa has to happen - It's all I can think about until it does.  And the feeling you get after you satisfy those random cravings....so wonderful and totally worth it.

We still haven't opened our gender envelope.  I still want to.  Kyle is still on the fence.  So, we'll see.

I do have a list of names in my head that I'm eager to compare to Kyle's name list.  Although, there are admittedly a few that I really really love and I'm afraid to share them because I'm afraid they'll be rejected too quickly.  So, I'll hold off until Kyle has shared his lists first and we'll cross our fingers that there is common ground from the get go.  I think coming up with a boy name will be easier as we've not used any yet.  A girl name will require more brainstorming...although, I certainly have some ideas ;)

Abby is very excited about the baby now.  She's been talking a lot about giving things to the new baby.  "Mom?  These shoes don't fit me anymore, so I'm just going to save them for the new baby"  She also is 100% convinced that the baby is a girl and refers to "her" as such consistently.  When we ask her "what if the baby is a boy?" Abby just shrugs her shoulders and says "I dunnnnoooo..."

I kinda feel the same way ;)

I worry about Elizabeth.  Sweet E who will now be the middle child.  Elizabeth already has a difficult time sharing me.  If I tickle Abby - E runs over saying "Meeee tooooo!  Meeee tooo!"  Same goes for hugs or games or any attention.  To be fair - if I'm tickling E, Abby usually runs over and asks to be next too.  But, Abby is older and better at waiting.  E is not.  I worry that she's going to have a hard time after the baby comes with all of that.  And while, I know that it would 1) be normal and 2) pass with time - Abby had such a smooth transition to big sister-hood that I worry about being ill prepared for helping Elizabeth through it.  

But, then one day - they will all be playing and laughing and plotting against me and I'll think "this is perfect"

In truth, I am very excited about having 3.  With the moments of sheer panic and worry aside - this feels so very right.  I can just tell, in my heart of hearts, that this was absolutely the way things were supposed to be.  3 is going to be perfect....messy and loud and stressful and crazy perhaps....but perfect.