thoughts on parenting

Being a parent isn't a particularly easy job.

But, it is rewarding, and generally "worth it."  I'm a fan.

Now that we're about to welcome kid #3, I like to think back on the things I've learned and the advice I would give others who are about to embark on this adventure.  I like to think back to my first days with Abby and how we really didn't know what we were doing.  I think it's fascinating to see first time parents figure it out.  We all do of course - each in our own way.

I have two mantras that have helped me through this motherhood stuff.

The first one is what I repeat under my breath when I'm about to lose it.  When the girls are pushing my buttons or being unreasonably difficult - or both.  "Give me patience"  It's both a prayer and a plea.  It's a reminder.  It's something to say to myself when I know I need to give myself a little space, too.  It reminds me that when the girls are being difficult - it's because they are kids.  Little kids.  Little kids who are trying to navigate a huge and complicated world...and who do it pretty well most of the time, but who, on occasion, melt down and fall apart.  It reminds me that their tantrum or acting out is not about ME - it's about them.  Give me patience.  *deep breath*  Give me patience.  It helps me remember that when they are screaming and throwing things is when they need me the most.  Sometimes that means discipline - a time out - a lecture - but sometimes it means they just need a big hug to help them calm down.  And it takes a LOT of patience to keep myself in check in those frustrating moments when there is spaghetti sauce on the white carpet and they're pouring milk on their head.  Of course, sometimes it doesn't work.  Sometimes I yell - often too soon.  But, when I can, I repeat "give me patience" in my head and it helps.

The second mantra I have is similar - and it's the one that I lean on the most.  "Parent with grace"  Or sometimes it is just shortened to "with grace"  This is what I strive to do.  I hope to raise these kids as gracefully as possible.  To me, it means to slow down and to make the best decisions I can in the moment.  It means when E comes up to me and says "Mama?  Wanna pway tea party wiff me?" - that I say yes.  It means that I don't sweat the small stuff as often as possible.  If Abby wants to leave the house wearing shorts and winter boots and a broken tiara - that I just roll with it.  It means paying attention to the important things like Abby proudly showing me a letter she wrote and ignoring the trivial things like E covering her new rody horse with permanent marker.  It means trying to engage the girls and BE with them as often as I can.  To give them rich experiences, genuine attention and conversation, to feed their insatiable curiosity about the world to the best of my ability.  With gracefulness.  It's a happy mantra.  It means when they are acting out in public, that I keep my cool.  It means I don't let them see me sweat if I can help it.

Of course, lest I give the wrong impression, I fail all too often at this, too.  I'm the first to admit that I'll flip on the TV for a while just so I can have some computer time to myself, or that I'll pick the wrong battles, not give my full attention to something that deserves it, and that I'm often anything but graceful when public tantrums happen.  But to parent with grace - it's a goal.  One that refocuses me when I remember to use it.

All the details of parenting are different for everyone - I don't see much point in telling others what worked for me, as it may not work for the next person.  But, I think that no matter your parenting style - or how easy or difficult your kids are to raise - patience and grace are two things that can go a long way.  They're two words that have helped me along the way, anyhow.

And so, as I think about what life will be like with three - I'm constantly repeating to myself "patience and grace"  I'm trying to prep myself for that moment when they are all three screaming at me, they all need something urgently, and I am 2 hands and a week's worth of sleep short of what I need to deal with it all.  I'm trying to be optimistic and realistic at the same time.  And for now, it's working.  At this exact moment in time - I feel confident and ready for 3.  I'm excited.  I'm ready to embrace the crazy.

Ask me again after I haven't slept in 3 weeks.  I know.

But for now - I'm looking forward to this adventure, and I hope I can manage it with patience and grace as often as possible.