one whole year

Dear Abigail,

All of the cliches are true. All of them. Time flies when you're having fun. They grow so fast. It seems like just yesterday. They change before your very eyes. Your life will never be the same.

It's all true. This last year, your first year, has been amazing. You're amazing.

When I found out I was pregnant, I was scared. But as I came to grips with the idea that I was going to be a mom, I got more and more excited about the idea. I daydreamed every day about what life would be like with you here, and its safe to say that you've exceeded all of my expectations.

I've thought about what I wanted to write to you here for a long time. What am I going to write to Abigail on her first birthday? The more I thought about it, the more I realized I have so much I want to say to you - but they boil down to two things.

The first one is Thank You. I want to thank you.

Thank you for changing my life. Thank you for just being you. Thank you for being such a good-natured and easy newborn. Thank you for giving me the experience of being a first time mom. Thank you for all the times you've fallen asleep in my arms, for each and every smile. Thank you for letting me comfort you when you're scared or upset. Thank you for playing with me, laughing with me, dancing with me, traveling with me - for doing everything with me. Thank you for making me and your daddy laugh every single day. I want to thank you for everything that has happened in the last year, because you have been the light of our everyday since the moment you entered the world.

The second thing that I want to tell you is I Love You.

I know, it's a given, I'm your mom. But, one day, you'll be reading this when you're older and I want you to have some sense of how much I love you - and always have. Words are not enough. Nothing is enough to describe how much you mean to me. But, maybe an example will help.

It happens at the most random times, but it happens everyday. Maybe I'm washing bottles at the kitchen sink and you're sitting in the living room reading your books or playing by yourself. I look over my shoulder to check on you and see you sitting there, flipping page after page and then you look up and catch me looking at you. And you smile at me. I can't tell if what happens then is melting or exploding, but maybe its both. My heart swells up with love. It swells up to the point that sometimes I get a lump in my throat, or shivers down my spine. It always bursts out of me through a smile back at you though. I guess what I'm trying to convey, is that the love I have for you is too much for me to contain.

This is why moms brag about their kids.

Abby, we've had an amazing year. You've gone from completely helpless to exploring and learning and understanding more and more around you. By new years day, you will have been on 14 airplanes in your 12 months of life. You've been to celtics and red sox games. You've seen the freedom trail more times than most people. You've been to the beach and played in the sand. You've been halfway around the world and seen kangaroos up close and personal. You've been on a big boat, gone swimming, and had your picture taken by the Sydney Opera House. You've gone apple picking in the fall in New England. You were baptized when you were only 2 weeks old and we've enjoyed taking you to church every week. You've been a very busy baby.

During your birthday weekend, I thought I would cry. But I didn't. Part of me was too busy to dwell on how sad it is that you are no longer a tiny baby. But, really, a bigger part of me just realized that I'm just too excited about what the next year will bring to be too sad about you getting older. I teared up one night as I put you to bed, but not because I was sad, but because I just couldn't contain my love for you - and that time, it chose to spill out in a few tears. Happy tears though. Very happy.

This has been long, I know. And I have so much more to tell you, but I'll save it. If you're ever reading this in the future, I just want you to know that this past year has been the most amazing year of my life and it is only because of the joy you have brought to it.

I speak for your daddy too when I say that we love you more than you will ever know.

Happy Birthday baby girl,

Thank you & I love you.

~Mommy

12.12.08

12.12.09