Dear Abigail

Dear Abby,

I completely love you.

One of the reasons for this blog is so that you can one day read these entries and know what life was like before you could remember it. And maybe one day, if you ever have children of your own, you can read these and know what it felt like for me to be your mom - and maybe that will be helpful, or not, I dunno.

I've talked about bonding before. When you were born, so was the bond between us. Mother and child. It was instant. I would have done anything for you. But at the same time, you were still very much a stranger and it took me some time to really get to know you....you may have felt the same way. :) So, the very early days were not always the easiest. I didn't know what your cries meant right away and I didn't know what you liked and didn't like. It took time to learn those things.

And now, here we are. I feel like we've bonded in a new way over the past few weeks. Of course I know you now - I usually know what you want before you do, and when you do have to tell me what you want, I am a pro at deciphering your baby speak and gestures. And you know me. You know what my facial expressions mean and my tone of voice. You understand my words a lot of the time now.

I feel that over the past few weeks, we've really become good friends. I know that sounds a little silly, since you're still only 14 months old. But I really do feel a new bond with you. You make me laugh and I make you laugh. We have our little games we play and our routines. I know that if I stare at you and then squint my eyes, that you will squeal and laugh. And you know that if you hold up a book, I will always always stop what I'm doing to put you in my lap and read it to you.

I hope that as you grow older, that we'll always be friends. Don't get me wrong, I'm still going to be your mom first and you will still probably hate me when I won't let you wear that to school or let you hang out with that one guy with the tattoos...but that's ok. I still hope that at the end of the day, 1, 5, or 30 years from now, you know that you mean everything to me. I hope you never wonder if I love you. I will always love you.

You will never remember how much you laugh when I crawl around and chase you and you will never remember how you like to hide from me in your cardboard box house, but still give me kisses through the window. You will never remember how much you make me laugh all the time with your silly antics...but these things that you're doing now are changing my life. And you're changing me. For the better, I think. So, I just wanted to let you know that these early days of yours have meant so much to me and I've loved every moment.

Lately, you've been more attached to me than you used to be. You cry now when I leave sometimes. And you hug me when I get home. You often just want me to hold you. And even though I'm sure you'll never remember all of that, I still want to thank you for it. I understand where you're coming from, because I sometimes want to cry when I have to leave and I always want to hug you when I get home and there's nothing better than being held.

All this is to say, Abby, that we've bonded in a new way. And it makes my heart full. And I hope you can read this one day and know that I think you're amazing and wonderful and I try to cherish every single day with you. Thank you for being such a good kid and funny and sweet.

But most of all, thank you for loving me too.

mommy