tun-der

One of my earliest memories was from when we lived in Hot Springs. I was probably around 2, maybe a little younger?  I can't remember if Michael was around yet or not.  But I remember standing in my crib, holding on to the side rails and crying.  It was dark.  I remember seeing a light illuminate the outline of my door, and then the door opened and my mom came in.  Before she could make it across the small room, it happened again - a big loud crash of thunder filled my ears and I started screaming all over again.  I vaguely remember my mom hush-hush-hushing me and picking me up.  Then somebody put the lens cap on my memory-camera.

But I remember being scared.  I remember not knowing what was making that noise.  I was scared of thunder for a long time.  Even after I'd outgrown my tears, I would often lay in bed, wide awake, clutching my covers waiting for the storm to pass.  As an adult, I kind of like storms - but those big thunder crashes still make me jump sometimes.

We don't get thunder very often up here, but the past few times that we have - it has made Abby nervous.  The first time she ever heard thunder, I tried pretty hard to make it not-scary for her, to lighten the mood and associate it with happy thoughts...but, thunder - and especially thunder at night - is just unsettling to wee ones.

So, when some lightning woke me up last night, I knew she was going to wake up too.  She woke up the first time around 2am.  She stayed in bed, but cried.  I went in and she said she wanted to be tucked in.  She was unaware that the still far away storm is what woke her up, and she went back to sleep easily.  Elizabeth then woke up for her night bottle, and she too, went back to sleep easily.  I got back in bed and listened to the storm get closer.  The soft rumbling distant thunder turned into harsher claps.  The rain went from gently falling on the house to pelting the windows.  I was just waiting for Abby and I was thinking about my first thunder memory.

And then a very loud flash and clap happened right over us.  Abby ran out of her room - the poor thing must have been laying in her bed awake too - and started crying.  She ran into my room, where I met her at the door.  I played dumb and asked her what was wrong as I picked her up.  She put her head on my shoulder and said "I just want to wock"

I felt bad for her.  I remember exactly what it felt like to be so scared of something so abstract and big and unknown.  So, I asked her an unprecedented question, "do you want to come sleep in mommy's bed?"  She had said yes before I'd even finished the question.  Kyle had fallen asleep downstairs, so there was plenty of room for the two of us.

I never let her sleep in our bed, but I dunno, maybe deep down I wanted the company too.  We got snuggled in and tried to sleep.  After a flash of lightning, Abby grabbed my hand and pulled it up to her ear, "mommy, will you cover my ears, pwease?"  So, I did.

A minute or so later, Kyle came upstairs - the thunder had woken him up too.  Things got a little cramped with the three of us, so I ended up taking Abby to her room and laying in her bed with her.  It took her a while to fall asleep, and she kept one hand in my hair so that she would know if I tried to leave.  I told her I could only stay for a little while.  It took her about an hour to fall into a deep sleep.  About the time she did, E woke up.  Of course.

I ended up just getting E up for the day around 5:30 - I had to get up anyway.  I was so tired.  Kinda still am. ;)

Anyway, just wanted to say that I was happy that I could be a source of comfort for Abby last night.  Just like my mom was for me.  I mean, I know, that's what mom's DO.  That's our primary superpower - to comfort when nothing else can.  But I still like knowing that it works.