2 week wait

When you first suspect that you could possibly maybe be pregnant - you have to wait about two weeks before you can test with any sort of reliable results.  Fondly known as the two week wait - or 2ww for you online lingo folks.  I think the length of those 2 weeks is rivaled only by the length of the last 2 weeks of pregnancy.  At least for me - who is not one to expect to go early (or even on time).

I suppose the last 2 weeks probably go faster than the first 2 weeks - because you're busy, there are to-do lists, and other kids to worry about.  But, then again, you're huge and it's difficult to maneuver and you're running into things, things ache and pull that shouldn't etc.  Either way - both are draining in their own right.

I currently feel that 2 weeks could not be a longer time frame.  I do not feel that this baby is even close to making an appearance - nor am I ready for it to meet us quite yet.  I am equally torn between wanting to (needing to) concentrate on work and trying to finish things before I leave and wanting to meet this little baby and get on with mothering 3.  I'm afraid I'm going to run out of time before I'm able to get my work ducks all in a row.  And I'm selfishly - but not unreasonably - craving some down time to myself to concentrate on this baby.

I feel unprepared for this baby in some senses.  No, not unprepared, just...that I haven't had the chance to slow down and daydream.  I felt the same way with E.  I wanted to just sit and think and imagine and spend time talking to my belly - talking to this baby - bonding.  That's the word.  I want time to bond with this baby before it's born.  I think it is harder to pre-bond when you don't know the gender, don't have a name (or names), etc.  I haven't done any shopping for this baby, I haven't bought any clothes, I haven't done any projects or prepared anything.  The kid isn't born yet and I'm already feeling guilty about it not having the same attention as the others.  Guess it's a mom thing.

And yet - I know that if this baby were to come tonight (settle down, it's not)  that it would be fine.  While I haven't had time to prep and primp the house - babies need blessedly little when they're new...and this ain't our first rodeo.

Le sigh.

I think the baby is still breeched.  I won't know for sure until my ultrasound next week.  I have to decide if I want to go through the prep and pageantry of having a manual flip attempted or not.  I'm leaning towards not doing it.  Partially because I don't know when I would find the time to go in for it (work is BUSY) and partially because there's no guarantee it would work.  And worst case is an emergency C-section...which is also the "worst case" if I don't do it.  Plus I hear it hurts.  So, I think I'd rather give the kid a chance to flip on his/her own.

Sometimes, I get little waves of emotion that catch me by surprise.  I'm so busy at work and with the girls that I sometimes forget that I'm actually excited about this baby.  And I know that sounds awful...I just mean that when I do slow down long enough to really THINK about it - I am excited.  I'm curious to find out what this baby is and WHO this baby is.  I'm nervous, of course.  I worry about the girls.  I worry about all the transitions.  I worry about nursing and traveling and plenty of other things - but when it is all said and done - this third kid feels right, and I know s/he was always in the plans - and I'm excited.

2 weeks. tick tock.