off guard

There are certain things that I expect to make me feel like a mom.  I fully expect to cry on Abby's first day of pre-school.  I expect to beam at my baby's first steps.  I expect to feel guilty when I have to yell. I expect my hair to be simple and my clothes to be slightly wrinkled and to occasionally find half eaten apples in my work bag.

But, then there are other times that catch you off guard.

I came home from work on Monday to find that Abby's little friend (who lives 2 doors down) had come over to play.  This, of course, is fine.  Abby was having a blast.  E woke up and all three girls played for a while.  Eventually, however, I had to get ready to go to Target to pick up some stuff - so I gave the girls their warning - 5 more minutes and it'll be time to walk friend back home.

Abby said "ok, mom"

3 minute warning.  "Ok mom"

Time to get your shoes on.  "Ok mom"

Ok, time to go.  "Mom?  Can we just have TWO more minutes?  Pleeease???"

and then two things happened at the exact same time.  The first was that I said "no, we need to go now"  and the second was that I was transported back to when I was about 8 or 9 years old.  Living in Little Rock and playing with a friend who had to go home and begging and pleading and bargaining a longer playtime.

And I felt like such a mom.  When did this happen?  It was like lighting struck and a freaky friday thing happened.  I was the kid pleading, not the mom. When did I become the authority on playdates?  When did I stop being the little girl?  Cause, y'know, I don't always feel like the 30-year old mother of 3 that I appear to be.  I very often feel like I'm about 12.  And yet, I have my own little girl now who is looking at me with big wide eyes and saying "pleeeeeeease?"

It happened again after we took our friend home.  I chatted with their nanny for a second, and in that second, the girls all disappeared upstairs to keep playing.  Again, I called to Abby that we had to GO...and she replied with an "Awwww, but mom?  please just two more minutes?"

Another thing.

I love that she has this friend "down the street"  It's the kind of thing that I used to daydream about when I imagined being a mom.  It's the kind of thing that makes me not want to leave our neighborhood or buy a home somewhere else - because the fact that she has a little girl friend 2 doors down - it's just...exactly as it should be.  It's the kind of thing I want her to grow up with.  And while I'm still hesitant to do it - they live close enough that I could send Abby down or they could send Abby's friend up the street without an adult escort- we can stand on our front porches and intercept children as they come and go.  It's nice. And I know this is something that is so normal for most of my friends who live close to friends and family and perhaps have a whole neighborhood of little friends running around - but it's something I wasn't sure we would have up here.  We live on a great street - but we don't know most of the families on it.  We really lucked out to have a great family 2 houses down that we've been able to get to know.

Anyway,

All of this ties into the over arching fact that Abby has become a kid recently.  She's not a toddler.  She's a full blown kid.  I feel like I actually watched it happen.  One night, I was getting her ready for bed and I noticed that her legs were longer...and more muscular.  I've noticed that her face is more defined, that her speech is out of this world, that the connections she makes are more advanced, that she's added new skills faster than I can count to 100 or color all the way within the lines.  She's just so big.

And I'm bursting at the seams proud of her for all of it.

I'll write more later - E is awake and Abby just got home - time to play monster and chase them for a while.  Kid or toddler - they still like mommy to chase them.