8 weeks

I just made myself a work calendar - I wrote it all out on a single sheet of paper.  Next week is vacation, so it doesn't count.  After that, I have 7 weeks of work left before I take my maternity leave.  Realistically, I have more like 6 weeks since I'll be trying to keep my workload light towards the end (juuuuuust in case).  I have all my days planned out between now and when I leave - and seeing it all on paper like that seems...kinda crazy.  Things are speeding up.

There are only 8 weeks left until I meet this child.

I'm going to let that sink in.

.....

8 weeks. Then?  Then I have two kids.

I've been feeling odd lately.  I think the word I'm looking for is flustered, but then again, maybe that word is too strong.  I feel like I have too many loose ends that need to be wrapped up.  I have loose ends at work that I need to address.  I have loose ends at home - like getting things ready for baby.  Then there are the day to day loose ends of errands and chores and little tiny things that need to be done, but are so easily swept off until tomorrow.  I feel like I'm always just one step behind where I need to be.

What I want, is to have everything put together.  I want to be organized and ahead of the game.  I want my house to be clean and my work stuff to be done so that I can just sit and BE and think for a minute.

That's it - I feel like I don't have time just to sit and think.  I'm busy.  And, I'm not complaining that I'm busy - busy is good - it's just, I wish I had a little time to myself to just sit and think....without being totally exhausted and crashing.  Cause right now?  That's what happens if I sit.  At the end of the day, I finally sit down and I crash.  I'm exhausted, y'know?  I want to be not-exhausted and to just sit and think.

When I was pregnant with Abby, I sat in her nursery so often.  I watched the sunrise while I sat in her glider, my hand on my belly feeling her move, and I just daydreamed and thought about her and us and wondered what would be.  That's what I want to do.  It was so peaceful.

I haven't had time to daydream about this baby.  Not to the same extent.  Sometimes as I drift off to sleep, I think about things, but then I'm asleep.  I'm going to meet this child in 8 weeks and we don't have names picked out.  While we do finally have the crib in the nursery - that's the only thing we have in there.  The room is not ready, we haven't bought any baby stuff....other than a pack of diapers.  And, really, that's ok, because I know we don't *need* very much stuff.  But, there's a part of me that longs to clean and put together and (dreamy sigh) Decorate.  I want to nest.  Like a big mama bird.


Basically, I just want some more time that doesn't include writing reports or washing dishes or picking up toys or anything else so that I can give this new baby some of the attention s/he deserves and get things ready.  So that things will be more real, so that I'll be more prepared mentally and emotionally for this huge transition that is coming faster than I can wrap my mind around.

I hope this hasn't come across as me complaining too much.  Because, I have nothing to complain about. Sure, things are busy and I'm tired - so what.  I know that, in the end, everything will work out and life will keep rolling along - regardless of whether the nursery is decorated or the house is spotless. But, it's helpful for me to type these things out anyway.  It does help me think.

And, I think, once I find a moment to get my mind wrapped around all of these changes, I'm going to find that I'm really really excited about this.  Nervous, of course.  But also, very excited.

8 weeks.  Here we go. :)