awareness

Everybody knows that when you're pregnant, your body changes and you become more aware of things.  Things like smells, and food and such.  

Lately I've noticed that I'm slowly becoming more and more aware of the fact that there is a little being inside me.  Probably since the ultrasound.  I knew it was in there, but seeing it move all by itself, seeing it jump around and move it's arms...made me realize more than ever that it isn't just a little shrimp anymore.  It's a baby, with a mind of it's own.  It's amazing to think about....kinda creepy...but amazing too.  

Yesterday I was laying on the couch (an increasingly common place to find me)  and I was experiencing all the little aches and pains that go along with having your body stretch from the inside out.  I was rubbing my stomach and absentmindedly watching TV.  Suddenly I realized that I'd gone from rubbing to poking, and had this moment of panic that I'd been poking lil' poppy in the head for 5 mins.  I know that in reality, I'm not going to gouge his eyes out by poking my belly...but I'm just more aware of how this baby feels now.  I'm starting to imagine it with its own thoughts and feelings.  I apologized to poppy anyway...I didn't want him to think I was poking him on purpose.  

I wake up every morning now between 5:21 and 5:24.  Every day.  That's when the light comes in my window.  It doesn't matter how much sleep I get, I've become an even lighter sleeper than usual.  I got a text on my phone last night, and I woke up from a dream when I heard my phone buzz once.  And poor Kyle, if he so much as breathes too loud, I can't fall asleep.  I'm too aware of everything at night.  I like to imagine that this is part of preparing myself to have a baby....that I'll be awake when it needs me.  At this rate, I'll be able to sleep and count the baby's every breath at the same time.  It's ridiculous. 

It's interesting watching myself change, physically, emotionally, mentally.  I enjoy it.  

Right now, for instance, I am extremely aware of my very serious need for some lucky charms.  It's a must. (Seriously, the Marshmallow Mateys that come in a 5lb bag from Wal-Mart...they're the best)  I'll write to y'all later...I'm off to the kitchen  :o)