Monday, May 4, 2009

wannabe

I'm a total wannabe.  

There are lots of things I "wannabe" and what I wannabe usually depends on my mood.  But so often I only get around to being part of that thing.  I wanna be "crunchie" - meaning green - meaning earth friendly.  But, I'm the kind of person who buys the reusable grocery bag and never remembers to use it.  I drive my little suv to the whole foods store when I could take public transit.  I drive to work when I could walk.  I reuse my water bottle, but I don't save my soda cans (in my defense, our area doesn't have recycling handy - but I could still take them somewhere).  See what I mean?  

I want to be a put together professional in my field.  So I got my nice computer bag/briefcase, I have my "go and look important" suit to wear, I do my best on most things I do - but I still can't figure out how to get to work on time with a baby and I still procrastinate on things that allow me to do so.  

Sometimes I want to be a stay at home mom.  Part of me loves this idea, and part of me knows that its a much harder job than the one that pays our bills at the moment.  Maternity leave was hard.  Much harder than work.  I know that's not true for everyone, but it was for me.  Yet, I still daydream about staying at home and raising the kid(s?)

I want to be back in shape.  I'm working on that - it's getting better, but it's a long road to the end of that goal. 

I want to live a cute little American suburban life and I also want to live in the city, and in the country.  I want a nice modern house, and I want a big victorian house full of character, and sometimes I just want an apartment. 

Sometimes I think I want to be wealthy - but mostly I just want to be financially stable.  Not that I would turn wealth down ...for anybody reading who was planning on writing me a check of some sort. 

Having said all that, there are a few things that I know I want to be for sure.  I want to be a good mom and a good wife.  I'm still new at both, but I think I'm starting to get a better idea of those roles.  It's a process.  :)

And today I took Abs to the grocery store with me.  She rode in her Ergo carrier strapped to my chest, I brought my reusable grocery bag AND we took the train.  So, there's hope for me yet.  Maybe.  

Anyway.  Just ramblidge.  Hope everyone has had a good Monday. 

2 comments:

Anonymous said...

Feel the joy today brings. I love you.

Granny

Billie Jo said...

Ricky and I are reading a book...well, I'm a wannabe too because I looked over it thoroughly at the bookstore, bought it, and he's actually reading it right now. Anyway, it's called Food Matters: A guide to conscious eating by Mark Bittman. It's good. It's not a cheesy book but instead talks about the impact of what we eat on us and on the earth (I know that sounds cheesy), but it's framed in a real practical way. And it has some great recipes and tips for eating healthier. I personally think it's worth the investment...and is helping in some of our "wannabes."

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