I was told that breastfeeding a baby was one of the hardest things I'd ever do - but I only recently got why. In the beginning, it was easy for us. No problemo. We had so much extra milk in the freezer, that we were running out of space for meat and other foods. Sigh...live and learn. Here's my advice for all you one-day-to-be-moms: nurse and pump as often as you can during those first months and don't slack. Don't do what I did and get lazy and just use the frozen milk because you can. Treat that stuff like gold.
For us, nursing wasn't hard physically like I've heard it is for some. It's hard to do mentally. It is very time consuming. If I nurse 3 times a day and pump 4 times a day (which is way less than some of my friends) then I'm spending upwards of 3-4 hours a day on this. It doesn't sound like much maybe, but when you're working full time or when you're tired - it's hard. It's also hard to be so attached to a schedule. I can't just go away for a day without worrying about it and packing all the necessary things. I can't go to the gym whenever I want. I have to eat more than I usually want to. Vitamins, supplaments, etc etc... So, mentally, it wares on you.
Then, if your supply goes down, like mine has - on top of the mental strain of breastfeeding, you add the stress of worrying about providing enough for the baby to grow. Stress only perpetuates the problem of course. It is easy for nursing (or at least pumping) to turn into something you dread. I think working full time plays a big part in the supply issues. A friend of mine raised the point that she doesn't know many women, or at least working women, who were able to breastfeed for the whole first year. If you are somebody who did - I'd love to hear from you.
On NPR today, they ran a show on how hard breastfeeding is. It was actually nice to hear. Because there is this intrinsic feeling of guilt you get for not wanting to do it, for wanting to take a break. I mean, you hear from everybody that a mother's milk is the best thing - so if it gets to be hard, and you want to stop - that translates to you being selfish and denying your child what is best because why? because you're lazy? Yeah, that doesn't fly.
I guess what it comes down to is that you have to be really invested. And it's hard. Part of the reason its hard is because formula is so easy. Need a bottle? Sure, let me mix some powder and water, shake shake shake and you're done! You can bring it with you and you can make it on demand. It's like magic. It's very, very enticing. On top of that, breastmilk may be best, but most of the formula fed adults and babies I know are perfectly healthy and happy.
Here's what keeps me going. 1) I know people who couldn't nurse and I feel that I shouldn't take the ability for granted. I know people who would gladly switch my supply issues for the ability to nurse their baby and I guess I feel like I owe it to them. 2) When I think about stopping, I know I don't really want to - because for all of the stress, I'd miss it. 3) I take one day at a time - often 1 feeding at a time. I cannot imagine doing this for a whole year, but I know I'll do it tomorrow.
While we are helping Abby to gain weight, we need to give her 2 more feedings a day in addition to what we've been giving her. I think we'll have to turn to formula for those feedings since I'm just not able to do it all. I still plan on nursing her just like always, but I also need her to get bigger.
Anyway. Just wanted to throw a shout out to all my other mommies who read this. It really is the hardest thing I've done, and I'm sure I'm not the only one who feels that way.
7 comments:
Girl I totally understand. It is so hard for the reasons you said. I was forced to stop, and it upset me really badly.
I cant even imagine doing it while working full time.
I am sorry to hear about the supply. Man, its just too hard to know why that is happening. There could be so many factors. When my dropped at month three, we supplemented one bottle at night of formula and it worked well. I could still nurse, but she also gained weight. So maybe that will work for you too if you have to do that.
You are a great mom. Not because you breastfeed, but because you care so much to think twice about it.
Breastfeeding isn't the hardest thing I've done, but that is because my kid is Gracie ;P.
Having said that, being a working mom who is breastfeeding is super duper hard. I have a great supply, and I still have to pump nonfreakingstop to get enough for her bottles, because you get so much less from pumping than the baby gets from nursing.
The most important thing is that your family is happy, IMO. I keep telling myself, if I have to switch to formula, at least I know I turned out okay and I never got a drop of breastmilk. (well, mostly okay, except for a tendency towards melodrama and birthing sleep-free babies:)
**standing up and applauding** Laura you put it beautifully! I jokingly told David that if I should be put in a vegetative state that he was to keep me alive so they could pump and/or let Shane breastfeed. He thought I was crazy and asked me "well how long should I keep you alive" ... I laughed and said forever!
Laura, Laura I love you so much. I am so proud of the wonderful Mom that you are!
When Jennifer was little, I went back to work for a while and I couldn't keep up with all the breast milk supply either. I supplemented with formula and that worked well for weight gain. I switched jobs to a babysitting job and the milk supply came back and we used few bottles. I always enjoyed using the occasional bottle
for instance, when we went out.
I had the experience sometimes of getting my breasts too full of milk to be comfortable and the nursing was such a relief.
I do understand how hard it is to keep up the milk supply. Whatever happens, I want you to know for sure that I know you are a wonderful mother.
I also want you to know that I had another brestfeeding problem with Jennifer. She had Pyloric Stenosis and had to have surgery on the duodenem. She had to go a week without brestfeeding When she was three weeks. THEY said the brestfeeding was over, but we proved them wrong. You have a lot of resiliency.
Whatever choices you make, I want to support you!!!! Some people say a little (little) wine is helpful. What I want you to feel is as much joy as is possible.
Whatever you decide about career, I wonder how long it is till summer. My hunch is things are going to get easier for you. La Letche League helped me a lot primarily through their literature. They are also glad to get a mom to consult with you for free. I'm not trying to get you to continue breastfeeding or not. My idea is that it's time to press the easy button.
Love,
Granny
so many good comments :) especially from granny.
you'll do what's right. and you'll know what's right eventually. or, you'll make a stab at what you think the best option is. and just stick with it. a good friend told me when i was in the midst of this..."remember, you have to be sane first. your baby can sense you being nervous and upset. so take care of yourself first."
at the time, it seemed stingy. but now, looking back, i get it.
it's hard. it's rocket science. abby is such a lucky girl to have such a strong and loving mommy.
also, i remember the day i stopped pumping. (he never latched on, so i pumped for three weeks.) i was relieved...and then immediately felt guilty. tried to pump again and was bone dry. i cried for three solid days. completely felt like anyone could walk in and be this child's mother. continued to wonder what my purpose was. how could i be a good mom? i couldn't even nurse. oh, how i remember that.
i love you. and i'll be thinking of you.
What wonderful support you have Laura!
I limped into breastfeeding Annabelle for 1 year. We had to quit nursing at 10 months due to biting issues but I was able to pump until the year marker. By the end we were mixing in cows milk to top of the bottles. I too work full time.
Looking back it doesn't seem like much work but I know at the time it was overwhelming, frustrating and many times I wanted to throw in the towel. It was kinda like running a marathon.
Nursing Nate this time has been more relaxing, I guess I know what to expect. Although I have to admit some disappointment at not attending my nephews graduation this weekend, I can't be away from the pump for a full day.
One thing always stuck in my head that a friend did when I was overanalyzing my whole situation.
We were sitting on a bench at a busy park and she waved her arm at the crowd and said "can you pick out who here was breastfeed?" She was right - it is a great thing, but not the be-all-end-all to being a good mother.
Understand, understand, understand.
I'm nursing P and working full-time and though it's easy at THIS moment in time, I've gone through rough stretches.
All along, I've given myself little goals -- "I'll nurse till I go back to work when P is 3 months," then "I'll nurse & pump that first month & see how it goes," and now "I'll get her to 6 months and reassess."
Having said that — she's been getting one bottle of formula a day since about a week old. So, the supplementing has helped us along.
Good luck!
(btw - started reading when your sis, a friend of mine, linked your blog on her FB page! I had my baby about 2 weeks after you had yours.)
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