I am constantly pulled by a few different emotions. The first one is a growing excitement over having a daughter - a real one, that I can feed and hold. One that I will bond with and get to know on new levels in just 40(ish) days. That's the first emotion that's always with me now: excitement.
The second is apprehension. Just the normal first time mom apprehensions. Will I be a good mom? Will I put her car seat in right? Will I make the bath water too hot? This is in conjunction with the apprehension over not being completely ready for her arrival. We still need diapers. We still need a changing table...etc etc. So, first excitement, then apprehension.
The third emotion is hard to name. It's a bittersweet mix about my relationship with Kyle. On one hand, I am so excited to see him as a father. I know he'll be great, and even though I know that - I also know that he'll exceed my expectations and be even more amazing. At the same time, it's a little sad to know that in 40(ish) short days, we will be giving up the leisurely freedoms we enjoy now. We won't be able to just hop the train and go grab a burger at midnight if we want. We probably won't have the time to just veg out for an entire weekend doing nothing at all. It's just a change. An end to one lifestyle and the start of a new one. Don't get me wrong - I'm not saying that the new one will be bad...and I'm sure after a few weeks, we won't be able to remember what life was like before Abby joined us...it's just something new and unknown.
So, I spend my days going about my routines and being pulled by one emotion or another. They usually end up canceling each other out and I just keep doing whatever I was doing. I know 40 days is not long (unless you gave up chocolate for lent - then its an eternity!) Until then, I just watch my ticker tick away the days.
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