Having a baby is different than what I expected. Then again, maybe I didn't really expect anything in particular. Either way - it's not always easy and I think I was surprised by how it effected me. I didn't transition into motherhood as easily as I thought I would, and there have been some tough moments. Now, having said that, I'm starting to feel things improve. I feel like I'm finally getting to know Abby - and I'm bonding with her more than I was able to at first. Please don't take that the wrong way. I've always been completely in love with her - but it takes a while to get to know someone sometimes. Now that she's more interactive and is developing more of a personality - I'm starting to feel a stronger bond develop. It's a good thing.
I've tested half a dozen kids at the high school this week. At least half of them had scores within the Average range - this makes them look like geniuses to me. Every one of them is failing all of their classes. And not because they can't do the work. They just don't care. When I was in school, I always wanted the teacher to be proud of me - I wanted to do well. When does that go away for these kids? Did they have it at one time and lose it? I know they have hard lives...its just too bad that they're going to have to learn from their mistakes the hard way before they understand why this whole school thing is so important - if they ever do.
I joined the gym and I'm excited about it. I want to be healthier and I want to lose weight. I can do this. Maybe by Abby's 1st birthday I can be somewhere close to my goal. That give me time, right? I took Abs to the daycare at the gym yesterday. It was her first time in a "daycare" of sorts. She slept in her carseat the whole time and was the only one there - so it doesn't really count, but it was still kinda weird.
Spring is starting to peak out around here. I'm so ready. I'm tired of still wearing my big coat to work. I want to put away my scarves. I want to wear flip flops! Please warm weather - hurry up! You know you've lived in the north a little too long when you check the weather before you leave for work and think "Oh, 38? Yeah, I don't need a coat" Seriously.
I never set a goal for how long I wanted to nurse Abigail - I just figured we would until it seemed like we shouldn't. Lately, my supply has dropped. I don't know if its related to exercise or food or what. I DO have a hard time eating enough during the day because it feels so forced. I'm probably getting 1200-1350 calories a day. I'm pretty sure thats not enough. But I hate having to force snacks when I'm not hungry. Anyway. I'm hoping that over spring break (next week!) that I can work on getting the supply up a bit. Otherwise, we may have to start supplementing formula.
Today, when Abby woke from her nap, she was in the BEST mood. She was actually laughing. Laughing like a little human being. I just kept tickling her over and over so that she's keep laughing. Later, while she was laying on her blanket, I was tickling her again and she was giving me those big open mouth grins and squinting her eyes. It was fun, and I realized that I was actually having one of those moments that I had imagined. ...Tickling my baby and making her laugh. Check.
I really need to do laundry.
Did I mention that next week is spring break? Yes it is. I have 5 reports to write before then. Its not gonna happen - but whatever. I can write them on break, right?
Ok, gonna go watch some tv with the guy I married.
3 comments:
oh how i miss you
Please give me a call at a good time for you. I love you.
Granny
i have so much to respond to. but i won't do it here. because no one else really cares what i have to say :)
but there is one thing...my friend allie has had two kids. she is nursing her second right now. he's 2 months old. anyway, she was told to increase her milk supply, because force feeding yourself is so difficult, that if she were able to pump every 2 hours...that might do the trick. maybe you could try that next week. i'll give you her email if you want. she can tell you exactly what her doctor told her. let me know. nursing is like rocket science. seriously...who knew, right?
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