Dear new baby

Dear new baby,

Hi, it's mom again.

There are three weeks left until you are supposed to make your debut into this world of ours, but, I'm beginning to think that you'd like to speed that process up a bit.  I could be wrong, of course, but you just seem awfully restless in there.

Regardless of when you officially arrive, I can't believe it's so close.  This whole pregnancy has been very similar and very different than my first pregnancy with your sister.  It has been similar in that I could consider both of them to be "easy" pregnancies.  A bit of an oxymoron perhaps, but when I look back in 10 years on this time, I won't remember the aches and pains (I might remember the heartburn you gave me last night, but we'll see).  Both pregnancies have had their different quarks, cravings, and memories - but overall, they've been similar.  However, they have been complete opposites in the way I've experienced them.

I've had less time to concentrate on pregnancy this time.  And, part of that just come with the territory.  I've been through this stuff once before, so I don't need to spend every spare second reading books and searching the internet for every tiny bit of information - not that I have too many spare seconds to spare anyway.  That also comes with the territory I suppose.

I had a dream 2 nights ago that was weird and odd and didn't really make a lot of sense, but there was once scene that has stuck with me.  I was sitting on a park bench, on a cliff, overlooking the ocean.  It was sunny and there was a breeze and everything was peaceful.  You daddy was sitting next to me and I had a small cup of hot coffee that I was slowly sipping as I just watched the waves and soaked up the sunshine.  While one hand held my coffee mug, my other hand gently rubbed my belly back and forth and I sat there - on that warm sunny park bench - and just thought of you.

It was a dream because that is what I've been longing to do - to just sit and think of you.  I've been making efforts to do that.  When I can, I go downstairs early in the morning and eat breakfast alone before anyone else wakes up.  It's during this time that it's just you and me.  And that's nice.  And, I know it sounds a little crazy (and you'll soon learn that I sound that way a lot ;), but somehow having that moment in that dream left me feeling fulfilled....like I really had spent an entire afternoon with just you.

Anyway.  I do think about you a lot.  Especially at night...sometimes because you're making it so difficult for me to sleep, but often just because that's a nice quiet time.  I wonder who you are.  A boy or a girl?  What will your name be?  Your daddy and I still haven't decided.  If you are a girl, I know your older sister will love having a little sister around, and it's easy for me to imagine "girl things" like tea parties for two and matching dresses and all that fun stuff.  Sisters are awesome.  And, if you're a boy, I would be so happy to have the experience of having a son.  I hope that if you're a boy that you look a little bit like me because your sister looked just like your daddy when she was born. :)  That would only be fair.

I wonder what our relationship will be like.  I wonder how different I will be with you than I was with your sister - having done the newborn phase once before and having a vague idea of what to expect, I wonder if I'll be able to better cope with the difficult moments or if I'll have an easier time with hormones and nursing and all of those things you and I will deal with together.  Of course it's a little scary - any change is.  The unknown is always a little scary, but that doesn't mean that it's bad...just something to learn.

Your room is pretty much ready for you, although you'll be sharing with me and daddy for a little while. Abigail makes sure that your toys get played with on occasion so they don't get lonely.  She made you a little teddy bear that is waiting for you in your crib - she can't wait to show it to you.  She's going to love you so much.

As will I, as will your daddy.  I can't wait to hold you.  In some ways, you seem so surreal still.  I can't believe we're so close to meeting you face to face.  Yet, I know once you get here I won't be able to remember what life was like before you arrived.  I think you'll like it with us, at least most of the time.  We do have fun and we do love each other an awful lot.  And I kinda think that's all you need...when you really think about it.

So, until we meet and I'm carrying you in my arms instead of my belly - just know that I'm excited about this.  And know that I, We, love you already.